Break Me Draw Me

Tired of the struggle…seems like I can barely stay above water….constantly praying to the father.  Trying not to let the un-pure thoughts of why bother…..why try…..I take one step forward and fall flat to my knees…..I feel like all I want to do is cry…..but my faith remains strong and he gives me the strength to carry on.

Some days seem longer than others and nights seem darker than my darkest nights…..but I plug in and listen to my favorite worship songs….and cry to my eyes hurt.  My soul aches for better days …..Begging you God for a better way…..I would like for it to happen today but I know your will wouldn't have it that way….so I remain in my old shell and pray.  Hanging on to what my mother has taught me …remain in prayer and never stray….i just need you God to break me and draw me….let me feel the sandals on your feet….lay at you feet and watch my weary soul weep…..you know over the years I have defeated the biggest threat to me…..now I need you to come again and wash me clean take me and re sew the seems that I have broken.

Satan is always lurking….he controls that demon that I try to keep dormant….No weapon formed against me shall prosper tatted on me but sometimes I feel like it’s not working.  It’s hard to be a solider for the lord when it seems you’re going up against the world…….Years of struggle……different from the average but to some I don’t seem to fit the puzzle. 

So I keep God on my corner to fight my battles….I refuse to go down without a fight….especially when I have him as my light…..No weapon formed against me shall prosper……It wont work!

Peculiar

Being me takes a lot of courage…sometimes I would become discouraged because I started to discover I was different…a round peg I realized I would never fit in.  My face holds several masks and as I discover a different part of me a mask falls past a former version of me.  Smile after smile I hide what people can’t deny…..a guy that has the third eye….but I turn away from others leaving me blind on one side…..one looks to the sky and the other keeps a look out for thieves who wish to do me harm….nothing but a pawn I make the first move to take my rightful place on the throne.

Peculiar people are frowned upon and trampled on but the show must go on…we get up shake the dust from our feet but never except defeat …...the apple never falls far from the tree but that depends on which fruit tree we choose to eat.  Our faith holds strong….God holds our tongue so we do not do harm.

Beating after beating we take the left over stones thrown and build thrones…..people of the world fear the unknown so it’s only right they fear us…the unknown.  Busy focusing on the n.e.g.a.t.i.v.e it’s hard to see who we actually are meant to be…..an example!

Flushed

Nights I sit and think of the changes and to most... they were the strangest changes. family in Friends became seasonal.... making it hard to strive to reach my pinnacle.. flushed with my back against the wall home suddenly doesn't feel like home anymore. Every now and then my heart falls to the floor expecting the ones who say they care to come pick it up and place it back in my chest but it still lays there in distress sometimes tears make it from my eyes to my chest.... but he saw the best in me when everyone else saw what they wanted to see... but he carries me I leave no footprints in the sand so dare not to follow me... listen to my story to follow me... but listen carefully my life is depicted by countless critics with their gimmicks fictitious storytelling but I never let them finish.... because he is the author and finisher to my book while the closest ones to me dropped me in a pot and watch me cook and left me to rot.... but my fait they never took.... interesting!

Dear God

Dear God,

 I am writing you because my heart weighs heavy with confusion and it’s you that I look to…for clarity and serenity.  This cancer is spreading and affecting my relationship with you but my past teachers taught me that your word holds true.  Not a frequent reader of the good book and some blessings I blew on account of my ignorance and my earthly flesh tethers me and prevents the gifts I hold inside to burst out of me…..but I stand strong in the mist of it all…through the finger pointing and disappointment and the ignorance of others…opinions based off assumptions but you make me still love them…..why?

Sometimes my pride allows me to hold hate in my heart….this cancer seems to love me….. it can’t stand to be apart so it ravages my heart and it uses my feelings against them…..but I still miss them! Can you explain to me what this allows this to be, I should be gritting my teeth and completely giving them the cold shoulder….but my earthly flesh and my spirit that’s like you has me playing the fence whether to fall victim of continue following you…..but that’s a fence I don’t come to very often my faith is rooted in you….now I’m rambling I know you are busy with other things that’s bigger than me, I just wanted to send up a letter to you personally.  Thank you God for showing me that without your grace and mercy….things could be tougher for me.  Thank you for giving me the courage to release friends and family so I can focus on me but only momentarily.  Place the correct words in my heart so they may flow through my words and help them understand I am perusing only what you choose my life for…..but some things you say should remain cloaked with in your presence and not meant for all eyes to see.  Thanks again for not allowing any weapon to prosper against me. 

Drake "Fear"

 Drake "Fear"





This is me...I'll stay the same this poetry shit runs through my veins....no pre written.....this is from the brain....it all poor out like a leaky vein.....what up cold world...they ask what's his name.... the ones who know say that's the one who's wordplay is insane.

But that's not how it works.....but this is all I know I stay high just to balance out the lows....I like the round of applause after all my shows...I'm probably the most complicated poet that any of you know....complicated being but being is all I know....so I fill up my glass and give myself a toast....but no one hears or sees what I have to show....so I stand on the stage with my thoughts and my poems!


 So cheers to the hype...try to look me in my eyes
Society is scared of me and people who are like me.

I am living proof....this feeling isn't new...so you should be scared of me!!!!
You should be scared of me!!!!

Reality is made for T.V......somehow it just doesn't fit me.....and if my pen holds value my words will lift the weight off my motherfucking shoulders.....my ink seems to gather in a puddle.....my fountain pen bleeds like it's gotten into some trouble....I spit tough stanzas man I think i need a muzzle....I'm coming for the top with my team in the huddle.  Staring at members of team....there's been many but few and far between...just know I look up to you thanks for supporting all my dreams....I hope you tell the doubters it's exactly what it seems.  My brothers are the reason for a lot of my devotion....I remember we use to sit around and puff on that magic potion....some sit around and pop bottles....I was just alone with my emotions.... but the smoke got the words flowing like water that's in motion.

So cheers to the hype...try to look me in my eyes
Society is scared of me and people who are like me.

I am living proof....this feeling isn't new...so you should be scared of me!!!!
You should be scared of me!!!!

Dried Flowers

this one is a special one from my mother Flo Campbell...writing runs in the family.

Some people in my office take a curious second look at me when they catch me rummaging through the office trash.  I was only removing what is left of a once beautiful arrangement.    Women in upper management receive the best floral designs.  Okay, okay I don’t do this often – only once or twice a year.  We recycle everything so these items are placed in a relatively clean receptacle. After the flowers they received have wilted and the miscellaneous buds start to drop off, the whole bouquet is tossed in the trash.  I could never do that.  I never have.  I never will.

Anyway, for years now, I’ve salvaged the most beautiful woody stems which make the best fillers and accents. I’ve created some of the most memorable arrangements this way, often returning these arrangements to the very person that tossed the flowers in the trash. 

During a lunchtime ride today, I was thinking about how I wanted to be remembered after God has called me back to himself.   Will it be for my singing, my praise, my contribution to the Sunday school lesson, my hugs or my kisses?  I wonder what people will remember as I journey toward the end of my life.  I also wonder what people in general will think after they notice that my hair has lost it’s luster and the gray has creped in, or the once strong spine has weakened causing my shoulders and head to slope forward – much like the flowers I find in the trash.  Will they see no usefulness?

I pray that I will be remembered in the same way that I used the vibrant dried flowers that I pulled from the trash.  I want to be remembers as an accent that returned joy to a broken heart or life to someone who has almost given up.  I want to be remembered as vividly as the yellow dried roses and purple statice or sea lavender that I rescued from recycling. 

I study everything – no matter how it looks and appreciate the fact that it contributes to the beauty of my surroundings.  That’s how I want to be remembered.

An Emotional Mess!

Weight lifted off my shoulders all I can think about is holding her…..the remedy to my soul…I fall to my knees just to admire how beautiful she is from head to toe…..

Heart flooded with emotions but no confusion nor doubt can creep into my mind….my mind is made up to not pick up where other have left my heart…..and that would be on the sidewalk….

Picked up by a stranger bandaged up…..heart was hurt but never gave up…..she seems to be the only girl that has ever given a fuck….keeps me lifted ….she admires my poetry….and thinks I am really gifted….takes time to listen… she seems to know me. 

I know its love cause everything fits just right……the missing puzzle piece that seems to fit just right….Like the perfect contrast of colors….and how the clouds blend with the blue skies above us.

I never make promises that I can’t keep…..but who would had ever thought that you promises would make me weak.

Your drive keeps me on my feet….you tell me I’m a good listener…..TRUE!!.....but I just love to hear you speak.  Your style……..so unique……I can’t think of anyone else who could compete…..no competition…..my amazing.

Not fond of the naked man on the front but this was the only one that was clear lol.