Selfie

Selfie sticks and bathroom pics… social media have made it easier for the Trojan horse to infiltrate and project a picture that doesn’t have to be.  Women find themselves slave to a program that allows that somebody to become a nobody and where men quench their thirst feeding the ego of a persona that shouldn’t exist.  The watered down version of today’s woman has water logged the seed that was sewn and has not come to harvest.  Women are to get back to the carbon copy of the original queens…where self worth was a staple and the representation of themselves was worth more than the gold that they wore and they represented their kings well. 

Ominous

This side of me lurks in the shadows of the demonic part of my soul that holds the key to unleashing the one I call the other.  Flashing its winning smile making a mockery of the jokers smile it puts me in my comfort zone.  Going to that dark place makes me feel at home….alone in the dark left with my cynical thoughts…it plagues the part and plays the part of me that is usually at the forefront.  No gut instincts, it takes away the ability to rationalize my thoughts…the light is mind provoking and tries to creep in the unsystematic cracks that highlights the flaws of who really resides in me.  Flight or fight he resorts to fight, impervious to the numerous attempts by the force that supposed to overcome the darkness……the light has ultimately failed.  Some call him their alter ego…some may even call him the devil….I place him on a different level….like a rabbit dog without a muzzle it seeks and destroys but employs a certain wisdom not understood but to the vessel that harbors this beast.  The darkness lurks in the crevices of the folds in the wings of angels and is flushed out by the wind with every beat of their wings.  This is my other half…accepted but not embraced…prayed about but can’t be erased….this is me...

6 A.M. in D.C.

It’s 6 am Saturday morning and the sun stretches its rays up from under the comfort of the clouds and seemingly peeks through the cracks of the shades illuminating the pigment of her skin tone.  My hands seek out a place to play as you lay and let the sun’s rays demonstrate seduction. 

No work for you today its all play; I give you a gentle shake at the shoulder.  A smile greets me as she reaches for the roll up and lighter.  We spark the leafy substance that gets the juices flowing as our minds surf in and out of the weed clouds.  Silk sheets stimulate blood flow and helps release the chemicals in the body responsible for the urge to devour every square inch of her soul.

I kiss her slow but I’m currently in negotiations with my heart to beat slow….it races juiced up on adrenalin as I slide in and get cozy….my soul wants to be nosey and butt in the conversation between our hearts as they passionately converse in their native language.  Eyes lock like there’s a personal vendetta as I feel her getting wetter the climax gets better. 

She begs to make her sweat but doesn’t want to get her hair wet….in this game of S.E.X its no holds bar let’s not forget.  The fragrance of passion fills the room as the hour hand creeps into the afternoon and in that moment with the eruption of rooted emotions surface and show face and her face is painted with satisfaction

Break Me Draw Me

Tired of the struggle…seems like I can barely stay above water….constantly praying to the father.  Trying not to let the un-pure thoughts of why bother…..why try…..I take one step forward and fall flat to my knees…..I feel like all I want to do is cry…..but my faith remains strong and he gives me the strength to carry on.

Some days seem longer than others and nights seem darker than my darkest nights…..but I plug in and listen to my favorite worship songs….and cry to my eyes hurt.  My soul aches for better days …..Begging you God for a better way…..I would like for it to happen today but I know your will wouldn't have it that way….so I remain in my old shell and pray.  Hanging on to what my mother has taught me …remain in prayer and never stray….i just need you God to break me and draw me….let me feel the sandals on your feet….lay at you feet and watch my weary soul weep…..you know over the years I have defeated the biggest threat to me…..now I need you to come again and wash me clean take me and re sew the seems that I have broken.

Satan is always lurking….he controls that demon that I try to keep dormant….No weapon formed against me shall prosper tatted on me but sometimes I feel like it’s not working.  It’s hard to be a solider for the lord when it seems you’re going up against the world…….Years of struggle……different from the average but to some I don’t seem to fit the puzzle. 

So I keep God on my corner to fight my battles….I refuse to go down without a fight….especially when I have him as my light…..No weapon formed against me shall prosper……It wont work!

Peculiar

Being me takes a lot of courage…sometimes I would become discouraged because I started to discover I was different…a round peg I realized I would never fit in.  My face holds several masks and as I discover a different part of me a mask falls past a former version of me.  Smile after smile I hide what people can’t deny…..a guy that has the third eye….but I turn away from others leaving me blind on one side…..one looks to the sky and the other keeps a look out for thieves who wish to do me harm….nothing but a pawn I make the first move to take my rightful place on the throne.

Peculiar people are frowned upon and trampled on but the show must go on…we get up shake the dust from our feet but never except defeat …...the apple never falls far from the tree but that depends on which fruit tree we choose to eat.  Our faith holds strong….God holds our tongue so we do not do harm.

Beating after beating we take the left over stones thrown and build thrones…..people of the world fear the unknown so it’s only right they fear us…the unknown.  Busy focusing on the n.e.g.a.t.i.v.e it’s hard to see who we actually are meant to be…..an example!

Flushed

Nights I sit and think of the changes and to most... they were the strangest changes. family in Friends became seasonal.... making it hard to strive to reach my pinnacle.. flushed with my back against the wall home suddenly doesn't feel like home anymore. Every now and then my heart falls to the floor expecting the ones who say they care to come pick it up and place it back in my chest but it still lays there in distress sometimes tears make it from my eyes to my chest.... but he saw the best in me when everyone else saw what they wanted to see... but he carries me I leave no footprints in the sand so dare not to follow me... listen to my story to follow me... but listen carefully my life is depicted by countless critics with their gimmicks fictitious storytelling but I never let them finish.... because he is the author and finisher to my book while the closest ones to me dropped me in a pot and watch me cook and left me to rot.... but my fait they never took.... interesting!

Dear God

Dear God,

 I am writing you because my heart weighs heavy with confusion and it’s you that I look to…for clarity and serenity.  This cancer is spreading and affecting my relationship with you but my past teachers taught me that your word holds true.  Not a frequent reader of the good book and some blessings I blew on account of my ignorance and my earthly flesh tethers me and prevents the gifts I hold inside to burst out of me…..but I stand strong in the mist of it all…through the finger pointing and disappointment and the ignorance of others…opinions based off assumptions but you make me still love them…..why?

Sometimes my pride allows me to hold hate in my heart….this cancer seems to love me….. it can’t stand to be apart so it ravages my heart and it uses my feelings against them…..but I still miss them! Can you explain to me what this allows this to be, I should be gritting my teeth and completely giving them the cold shoulder….but my earthly flesh and my spirit that’s like you has me playing the fence whether to fall victim of continue following you…..but that’s a fence I don’t come to very often my faith is rooted in you….now I’m rambling I know you are busy with other things that’s bigger than me, I just wanted to send up a letter to you personally.  Thank you God for showing me that without your grace and mercy….things could be tougher for me.  Thank you for giving me the courage to release friends and family so I can focus on me but only momentarily.  Place the correct words in my heart so they may flow through my words and help them understand I am perusing only what you choose my life for…..but some things you say should remain cloaked with in your presence and not meant for all eyes to see.  Thanks again for not allowing any weapon to prosper against me.