Flushed

Nights I sit and think of the changes and to most... they were the strangest changes. family in Friends became seasonal.... making it hard to strive to reach my pinnacle.. flushed with my back against the wall home suddenly doesn't feel like home anymore. Every now and then my heart falls to the floor expecting the ones who say they care to come pick it up and place it back in my chest but it still lays there in distress sometimes tears make it from my eyes to my chest.... but he saw the best in me when everyone else saw what they wanted to see... but he carries me I leave no footprints in the sand so dare not to follow me... listen to my story to follow me... but listen carefully my life is depicted by countless critics with their gimmicks fictitious storytelling but I never let them finish.... because he is the author and finisher to my book while the closest ones to me dropped me in a pot and watch me cook and left me to rot.... but my fait they never took.... interesting!

Dear God

Dear God,

 I am writing you because my heart weighs heavy with confusion and it’s you that I look to…for clarity and serenity.  This cancer is spreading and affecting my relationship with you but my past teachers taught me that your word holds true.  Not a frequent reader of the good book and some blessings I blew on account of my ignorance and my earthly flesh tethers me and prevents the gifts I hold inside to burst out of me…..but I stand strong in the mist of it all…through the finger pointing and disappointment and the ignorance of others…opinions based off assumptions but you make me still love them…..why?

Sometimes my pride allows me to hold hate in my heart….this cancer seems to love me….. it can’t stand to be apart so it ravages my heart and it uses my feelings against them…..but I still miss them! Can you explain to me what this allows this to be, I should be gritting my teeth and completely giving them the cold shoulder….but my earthly flesh and my spirit that’s like you has me playing the fence whether to fall victim of continue following you…..but that’s a fence I don’t come to very often my faith is rooted in you….now I’m rambling I know you are busy with other things that’s bigger than me, I just wanted to send up a letter to you personally.  Thank you God for showing me that without your grace and mercy….things could be tougher for me.  Thank you for giving me the courage to release friends and family so I can focus on me but only momentarily.  Place the correct words in my heart so they may flow through my words and help them understand I am perusing only what you choose my life for…..but some things you say should remain cloaked with in your presence and not meant for all eyes to see.  Thanks again for not allowing any weapon to prosper against me.